Obesity.

This is for N.

The obesest obesity is so obese that obesity without this obese form of obesity seems not obese enough. Obesity other than the obesest obesity concerning obese people is not to be called obese unless its obese for real. real obesity is obesity at its most obese nature. Obesity is not a disease. Ok, obese as in 900 pounds can maybe be called a disease.

getting ready

I'm going over to Danny's tonight, to just chill and listen to music, and probly write some too, cause we always do.

"My hands are tied I'm hanging loose
But the gallows ain't as bad as they say
I couldn't and I wouldn't chose
To leave this time and walk away"

No I won't dream girl, winter screamer.

I don't know.

This time I actually have no idea of what I'm gonna write about what so ever. Funny.

Let me tell you about this dream I had last week. Only fragments remain now, I've been really bad at keeping the dream journal these last weeks, for several reasons, I should start again fresh because it's interesting, and something I should keep in check.
Anyways, there is a girl I want to meet, and sometimes it feels like a total impossibility, that it's just never gonna happen, that I'm gonna sit around here forever without money and get to nowhere.

But last week I met her.
Sometimes your sub-conscious can give you little gifts. Wrapped up in colors which dreams almost always are, and full of weird elements and details which totally not make sense.
And as usual, things didn't make sense a 100 %, the people present were weird. But there were two of us that stayed the same.
First I didn't recognize her at all, I know that I knew that I somehow was to meet her, but I didn't know what she would look like, or how it would be. Or even if I'd even recognize her.
She came in with braided hair, not really her, but she suddenly transformed, literally, as she came closer, and became this amazingly beautiful revelation, just out of nowhere.
And I was just so happy and relaxed, it was great.
So then she came up to me, smiled, and handed me plane tickets... for me to come and see her again.

Then I can't remember anymore, but I am glad to have met her, in a way. Thank you sub-conscious.
And now I actually know how her voice sounds and all too, and that's great.
a wall climbed.

---

I'd also like to give some tips on music i've been listening to lately, if anyone is interested:

I've been listening a lot, and I mean A LOT, to Mr Howie Day.

He has made a lot of quality songs, very beautiful and sensitive.
His best song Ghost, I like THIS live version, it's by far the best. The arrangement which he builds up just by himself is way better than the studio version (that is very very beautiful also, though). There are some vocal, especially vocal, but also instrumental moments in this recording that just is above any other of his recorded versions of this song. The variations in the drum beat also are very important and unique to these live performances of the song. Just listen and enjoy, it's very enjoyable.

Another recent musical discovery of mine is Mr Oren Lavie.

I first heard him on the Jimmy Kimmel show, where he performed his most beautiful song Her morning elegance, which you can listen to HERE. A little trivia concerning him as that he did an instrumental song for the latest Narnia movie, with prince Caspian, which was wonderful.

Lately I have also been listening to the beautiful music of The Wreckers.

They are two girls doing pop country music just the way I like it, well played with lots of beautiful harmonies. THIS is a bluegrassy version of song they usually do more pop styled, which also was on the One tree hill road mix cd, which I discovered about a year ago, and also recommend.
Every song on it is very good, except for the awful one by flippin Lupe Fiasco. It's horrible, and no one should like it, because its awful.

Also I've been listening a lot to Queens of the stone age. That's a science by now in my life, so I won't venture into that now, in this post. I'll make it simple and recommend the so far best song I've heard with them, the amazing In the fade. Just listen to it and get swept away.


Take care. and a special take care to The Night Fairy Little Vampire.

+12, and classical music.

12 days since I wrote last. Amazing how time just flies.
Tonight I had some really strange dreams, it was almost in the wake, I was half awake and I still saw the dream world, but couldn't do anything about it, though. I just went with the flow.
I got to meet some people that i havn't met, but maybe I will, depending on some things.
Right now I'm really tired. I've been writing this essay on the renaissance, comparing Phédre by Racine with Hamlet by Willy Shakez. Interesting but mind-emptying.

But what i really want to say something about in this post is classical music.
Up to know I've never got into that, never sat down and listened, even thought of it as pretty boring. But last week we had a guest professor in our class, who talked about baroque music and composers. It was really interesting, and he finished by telling us to really sit down and listen to some of the concerts composed at that time.
So yesterday I thought I'd do it.
So I searched for Johann Sebastian Bach on Spotify, and got a huuge amount of hits. I selected a recording with piano variations.
Clicked play, and just listened. I didn't do anything but just listen and let myself venture into the music which was being played.

And it was mind blowing.
Almost from the first note I was paralyzed. I was so beautiful, so perfect, so interesting, that i couldn't stop listening, I couldn't even let it go and do something else. I was truly paralyzed by the music.
So I listened to the whole concert, just enjoying it with every inch of my body. It was like some kind of drug, with the first high that's amazing. Thing is, with classical music you can get that first high again, and again which makes it different.
So I listened some more during the evening, just feeling totally relaxed and bedazzled by the music.
I felt every note, every tone, and they almost spoke. Late last night, around 2 am, i decided to try something. I plugged in my phones, put on the piano concert again, opened my notebook, and just started writing.
And the words just flowed... I wrote about 3 song lyrics in 10 minutes. It was unbelievable.
And every word I wrote was coloured by the mood of the music I was listening to, cause it sets you in a state where you just transform the notes into words. and thats what happened with me, and thats what I did.

Then i got to bed, calm relaxed.
Today I had to continue on this essay I'm writing, so I decided to once again put on a concert of string variations by Bach, which I also did.
It all went really good until I reached the singing part, the soprano...
Then everything just fell apart.

I just started crying, because it was so beautiful, and it just totally opened up my soul, the very core of me... And I started feeling things, things about my family, my grandpa, my life, and everything. and I couldn't stop crying...
I was just totally broken down for I don't know how long.
And believe me, I dont cry often, very very seldom.

I've never had that experience with music before. I mean, there are songs that move me sooo deep, but this was something else; it opened me up, touched a nerve in me that I didn't know existed, and made me crack open.
I think it hit right in my sub-conscious, somewhere it was needed, because it didn't feel bad or hard... it felt good.
This whole experience was just one big Katharsis for me.


So all I can do now is to recommend you, my dear reader, to listen to the music of the ancient times. Maybe it will work some kind of miracle in your world too, as it did for me.

Love
M.

On death.

Monday night my grandfather took his last breaths. He had been ill for 7 years after his stroke, and had been living at a home for elderly for all the time between then and now.
So, me and my dad rushed down in the middle of the night 300 miles south of where we live, to see him for the last time, and to support my grandma.

With this very fresh in mind I thought I'd share some reflections on death , and my hope of that not being the end of our existance, so please feel free to keep reading.
---
I would first like to share some things about my grandpa, who he was and what he has done.
My grandfather, Per, was born 1920 in Skåne, Sweden. He grew up in a big family with many brothers and sisters.
When he got older he thought of seeking his luck at sea, which he also did, and took the job as a Steward on a big ship.
He then sailed all over the world: Africa, Asia, America, and Europe. He had amazing experiences, a lot that we really would call adventures today... He was stabbed, chased by thugs, and even caught Malaria when visiting Africa.
But he managed to get back to sweden safe and sound, and left the sea life when my dad was born.
Back in sweden he worked as a chef for many many years, until he retired.
He had an amazing life,

but what I really want to say is: He was also a truly amazing person.
He never put himself first, he was kind and caring, but not in any way weak.
He knew what he had to do, and he did it.
He was a great father, and a great grandfather, a rock.
And he will be missed by many, for a long time.

But in our imperfect state of existence death, unfortunately, is a part of life,
and this was grandpa's last stop.
He had been, as I said, sick for a very long time, and he just didn't have the strength to fight anymore.
He was almost 90 years old, that's older than most people get. And he was thankful for these last years, and we were also, even though it wasn't easy for him. Bu he wanted to stay alive, so he did, until yesterday.

So me and dad arrived at his apartment in the elderly home, and that was the first time I've seen a dead body. It wasn't as I had expected. I mean, I've seen thousands on TV, but this was nothing like it.
What I felt is that this was the shell of grandpa. He is dead, and right now he is non-existent, and that was the shell of him lying there. But it was not at all creepy of scary, it was just seeing him for the last time in this order, remembering him for the wonderful man he was.
I will not dwell on that experience right now, though.

What I'd like to share is some reflections on the state he actually is in now, and also what I believe awaits.
As I said, right now he is non-existent, his soul isn't out there somewhere, hasn't lived on, isn't on it's way south or towards heaven. It doesn't exist anymore.
So, what is the soul?
When we are born we recieve a spark, a fire from God, that is the fire that keeps our body functioning, the strength that keeps us alive, and that is what goes out when we draw our last breath.
That's what it is. The spark of life, given to us by our God.
It wasn't supposed to die in the beginning.
It was supposed to be an eternal flame, but Adam and Eve destroyed that, fooled by Satan.
We were left in an imperfect state, and our soul the same way. We were to go out together, our soul and our bodies, thank's to that.
And one cannot in any way blame God for that. It was not His intention. He is the definition of goodness, but he also gave man free will, which she mis-used, mis-led by Satan.
And from that day on death became a part of life. We started to have an end, not an eternity to look forward to. Thank's to man and Satan.
So right now we might just accept it, it's what it is.

But does the soul live on?
As I said, it does not. It is a flame, and flames die.
But, in a way it is not the end either.
There is a place in the universe that is safer than ANY other place. A place that is unlimited in size, and can never be filled, and we cannot in any way grasp the greatness of it:

God's memory.
Right now, Grandpa is in God's memory, he is kept safe there until the day.
What day?
The day of resurrection.
God WILL put an end to all evil in this imperfect world, he will remove sickness, woe, pain, and even death. It will disappear.
And after he has done that, and the earth is peaceful and clean, people from all through history -believers, unbelievers who hasn't heard of God's word, people from everywhere- will be resurrected, and once again see the light of day. They will see the beautiful light of God shine down and help us transform this earth into the paradise it once was. God's presence will be so real, we will feel His helping hand, and he will be our leader forever.
Grandpa will be one of those people, and I hope that I will be there too, to see him again, young and healthy, and with a face of astonishment, when he understands that we told him the truth.
And with his skills in construction and handy ways, he will also be a part of the cleaning of the earth and building up a new home.
And we will live together in peace, with the light of our God Jehovah and Saviour Jesus Christ guiding us.

It is not just a hope for me, it is reality.
Faith is what matters. Faith has me convinced, and there is not one doubt in my mind. I am sure of who God is, what his purposes are, and that they WILL come true.

In this time of grief I am also rejoycing... Grandpa is safe, and his memory and future life in the care of God, He who is love.


See you in paradise, Grandpa.

//Emm.

Sleep paralyzis and how one can deal with it

For some years back I've been experiencing a very strange and terrifying phenomenon. This was long before I started reading up on the science of sleep and dreaming. But when I did, I finally got an answer to what it was.
This is what I experienced:

This started somewhere in the middle of high school. After a day at school I would come home, put on the TV and just lay down on the couch to watch and relax... After some time I would start to feel sleepy (of course, who wouldnt), so I'd lower the volume and close my eyes.
But instead of going to sleep I started experiencing my body shutting down, but my mind still aware of what was happening.
I couldnt move any part of my body, the only thing I could do was to, with all my power, focus on opening my eyes, which I eventually did.
This phenomenon, which for a long time really freaked me out, I later identified as Sleep paralyzis.

Even though it might seem very unnatural and weird, sleep paralyzis is ABSOLUTELY necessary, and happens every night when we go to sleep.
Sleep paralyzis is our bodies way of protecting us when we enter the dream world.
Imagine if our body would keep moving while we were unconscious and dreaming, maybe a very vivid and action packed dream; we would hurt ourselves, or fall out of bed.
So sleep paralyzis happens as soon as we fall asleep.
But sleep paralyzis takes place on the border between being awake and being asleep, and therefore one can actually experience it happening.
This is known to happen more frequently during for example afternoon naps, and when one is to "take a rest".
Then the scenario I described before can take place.

When one starts to go into sleep paralyzis, and still is aware and conscious, things can take a frightening turn (which they did with me). This is totally normal, though, and scientifically confirmed many times.
So, as soon as that happens, you enter a/the hypnogogic state, and thats when it becomes scary.
During the hypnagogic state, right in between being awake and asleep, you're halfway into the dreamworld, so your brain starts working on creating the dream scape of your subconsious, but because you're still conscious you see, and most of all HEAR it happening.
It is very normal to experience shaking, loud buzzing and noises, shapes of different kinds and colours, when in this state.
This can be very terrifying, and you feel like you've lost all control of the situation, you feel trapped in your own body, surrounded by scary noises and shapes.

This is not a nice state to be in, so you probably want to get out of it as fast as possible.
So here are some tips on how to control this eerie situation.
First of all, knowing what it is, that it actually is just the natural step that your body takes between wake and sleep, makes you more calm, and aware if it should occur.
What you should do when you enter the hypnogogic state, to quickly get out of it, either by falling asleep or waking up is just RELAX... don't focus on it, just try to be as calm as possible, and it will solve itself. Although it is a natural state, we are not supposed to be aware of what's happening, so you'll have to help yourself if you get into this state, by just relaxing instead of freaking out.
I've done this, and it works. Most of the time you wake up nice and quiet, and then fall asleep for real. (This can repeat itself several times, though, especially during afternoon naps, so be prepared)
A note on this: Many people practicing Lucid dreaming use this state to head straight into a lucid dream. This is called a WILD (wake-induced lucid dream). By waiting it out, for example by counting your breaths, you head straight into the dream world aware and lucid, and can start creating your own dream.

BUT, this is NOT something I recommend.
I personally do not practice Lucid dreaming, and don't think that anyone should experiment with these altered states of consciousness through wake-induction in any way, it is one a very fine line of what is alright and not.
But that of course is my opinion.


So, I hope you've learned something through this post about Sleep paralyzis, when it can occur, and what to do when it does. Please feel free to comment and give me feedback.

Take care.
Emm.

Keys to a great dream recall.

As I've mentioned before I am interested in the science of dreams and dreaming.
I am a collector of dreams, and therefore keep a dream journal.
I thought I'd give fellow dreamers out there some tips on getting a good dream recall going, and what you shouldnt do if you want to remember your dreams properly.

First of all: Everybody dreams every night, whether we remember it or not.
As soon as our body enter R.E.M (Rapid eye movement), which always happens, we are living in the dreamworld, our eyes moving rapidly, but the rest of our body of course paralyzed (that's another interesting subject I will write more about later) and still, so we dont fall out of bed or hurt ourselves.
Often our dreams can be almost epic, and we can experience incredible things in our dreamworld, that we'll never get the chance to experience IRL.
So for me, entering the dreamworld is entering another reality, lucid or not (I don't practice lucid dreaming, which some dreamers do, I settle with remembering. If lucidity was to occur its nothing I've aimed for), and I've had amazing storys unfolded in my head while in a dream.

But, to remember ones dreams there are a couple of steps to take, some techniques that can be used.
First of all, the most basic aid/tool of them all: Keeping a dream journal. Collecting your dreams in a dream journal will help you to be more focused on remembering. I read through my old dream journal yesterday... And the patterns were so clear, it was amazing. I really wasnt enjoying my job at the time, so almost all of my dreams took place at my job, they were full of confusion, and almost always ended up with me doing something wrong.
Our subconscious is very active, and in the dream world it adresses our problems and worries, whether we are aware of them or not.
An important note on the location of your dream journal: It needs to be in a fixed place, so you a l w a y s know where it is. There shouldnt be worries about that ever... your dream journal becomes a part of the environment, and you always know where to find it.
You also need a book that you like for your journal, not just a regular notepad
or something really small. No, you should get a nice big book, that is You. Cause these are your dreams, your night time reality, its big. This is the book I use, and I love it:




Preparation: This is the bit where I totally suck: Going to bed in good time, so you get at least 6-8 hours of good sleep. I've found that going to bed between 11 pm and midnight is the perfect time. when I do that I almost always remember and have between 2-4 dreams that night. And thats good.
When you go to bed you need to have your dream journal close... part for just its presence, and you knowing that when you wake up you'll be able to just write your dreams down instantly, and part because, well, thats what you really need to do. And that leads us to step number two:

Instantly when you wake up after a dream, epic or small, no matter what time at night, you need to write it down.
But of course thats not really fun... so here's what I do:
Next to my dream journal, in which I want my handwriting to be readable, and descriptions and analyzis thorough, I have a smaller book; My scribble book.
Every night I put my pen at a new blank page, so its really accessible... and as soon as I wake up from a dream I just grab the pen and scribble down some keywords.
Like for example, say that my dream involves me playing guitar at the top of a building i just scribble down:

Guitar
top of building
fun (always add the emotions you feel)

And here's whats important: Even though you tell yourself "I'll remember it tomorrow", WRITE IT DOWN ANYWAY, cause 95% of the times you won't remember it. that's happened to me so many times that I've learned, just write some keywords down.
And then, when you wake up in the morning, view them... And when you've remember as much of the dream as you can, write it down in your dream journal.
Sometimes even when you wake up in the middle of the night, right from a dream, it can be hard to recall it, so here's what you should do:

Just relax, close your eyes, and focus on remembering, cause as soon as you get a fragment or a glimpse, the other pieces will fall into place.
magic :-)

Supplement:
Another supplement you can use before you go to bed, and when you wake up in the middle of the night, and want to keep dreaming, is Autosuggestion.
What you want to do is tell yourself over and over again:

"Tonight I'm gonna remember my dreams"... and repeat that for at least 5 minutes before you go to bed, and really focus on it. You dont have to tell yourself to dream, because that you WILL do, whether you like it or not.
And that you can also do when you wake up and want to keep dreaming very vividly, just keep focusing on that, and tell yourself
"I'm gonna remember my dreams"

Eventually you'll fall asleep, but the Autosuggestion technique will have worked its magic, so when you wake up, your mind is still aware of that, and focused, and you WILL get a better dream recall.


Ok, so those are some techniques, tips and hints you can use to work on your dream recall.
The dream world is waiting for you :-)
Just dive in!


//Emm.